(for those of you that are a bit squeemish when it comes to rug burns or butt cheaks, kindly refrain from reading this post as the reality of camel ass is quite horrific)
FACA - The Fellowship for the Abolishment of Camel Ass
It is with great pleasure that I annouce the creation of FACA (The Fellowship for the Abolishment of Camel Ass). This fellowship, consisting of myself and myself only, has been formed to fight one of the worlds most preventable and most overlooked ailments. In addition to being the founder and only acting member of FACA, I am also the worlds only known victim of this crippling condition. On the afternoon of November 29th, 2008 I fulfilled a life-long dream to see the Great Pyramids of Giza. For me, the morning of this day was one filled with great excitement and anticipation. This was to be a day to remember, unfortunately I had no idea that it would be one that would be forever regarded in emphamy.
Upon arrival to the perimeter of Giza, our taxi pulled up to a series of small storefronts that also happened to have a rather unusual number of horses and camels in front of them. At this point in my trip, Matt and I have grown keen to the ploys and tactics of travel agencies and taxis. Often these two will work together and do their best to funnel travels through various smoke and mirror routines, forcing them to pay additional money and basically ripping them off in every way possible. Fortunately Matt and I picked up on this one right off the bat and told our taxi that we were not interested in the camels or horses and to move on...
Needless to say, 20 minutes later Matt and I road off from the storefront on 2 extremely old and weathered looking camels. I was told that my camel was 24 years old (my same age) and was named Michael Jackson. I immidiately made my own estimate on "Michael's" age and tallied it at about 350 to 400 years old. About 5 minutes into the ride towards the great pyramids it became wildly apparent that I suffered from severe camel allergies. Intense boughts of sneezing continued for the entire 3 hour tour, but this did not affect my moral in any way as I was on my way towards the great structures. It was when the guide began galloping with his horse that is when the problems began....
Camels can gallop! Has anyone ever heard of that? Is there a movie somewhere or documentary that shows this? I never imagined such a thing being possible, let alone that I'd be on the back of one when I found this out. At this point it was out of my control, my camel was galloping as if he'd never seen the pyramids either. Now, I've never done much horse riding personally, but I'm imagining that it HAS to be more comfortable than a camels back. Now, you might be saying, "Well aren't you just sitting between their humps all nice and comfy?" The answer here is a decisive NO. In fact, it's quite horrifying as camels are monsterously tall creatures. Our guide was riding on a horse and even then his head was only up to where my knee was. If I fell off this guy it was going to hurt. Remarkably, I endured and held on for dear life throughout the entire tour, sneezing and doing my best to keep up with this beast.
It was not until the end of the tour that I realized my condition. Upon returning to the taxi, I sat down in the back to reflect on what I had just survived. I immidiately felt a terrible sting on both of my butt cheeks and realized what had happened. In a mere 3 hours I had gone from a completely healthy human being to becoming the worlds only know case of CA (CA is short for Camel Ass). That being said, I also found myself as the single greatest minority of ailments in world history, the only recorded case! Camel Ass is defined as a severe rug burn on either/or both of the butt cheeks. The only current (and notably primative) treatments are sleeping on your stomach and avoiding seated positions.
I can't help but wonder what someone might think if they happened upon me getting out of the shower and saw my severe case of CA. They might ask, "How in the hell did that happen?" and all I'd be able to say is... "A camel did it." : (
I hope that this post has helped to increase your awareness of CA. I plan on continuing my work at the Fellowship for the Abolishment of Camel Ass in the future in hopes that some day (hopefully in a week or two) the world will once again be free from the ravages of this horrific condition. As you sit at your computer, please take a minute to be thankful and reflect, as there is a victim of CA out there that can't sit at all.
